the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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