filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
