used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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