the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
high people should be assigned attendants
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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