She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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