oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
