I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
