I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
