is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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