Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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