We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
