I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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