If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
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