these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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