you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
