and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I can't turn off my feet"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
