Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
