My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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