Nicole vs. Life
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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