Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
