So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
