I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
