I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
