How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
