You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
