I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
