I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
