I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
