i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
