Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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