She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
