I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
