Three words: puerto rican gang bang
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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