i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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