Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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