you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
