I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
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