piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
