When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
