I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
vagina is talking i cant
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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