you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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