I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Randomize
