Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
