I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
