He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
