The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
