You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
