based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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