did you get engaged???
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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