Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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